But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
