I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Randomize
