She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Randomize
