That's when you crack a 10am beer
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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