I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
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