maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Randomize
