why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Randomize
