Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
Can vaginas get frostbite?
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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