the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Randomize
