What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Randomize
