I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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