I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Randomize
