I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Randomize
