I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize