When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
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