that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Randomize
