high people should be assigned attendants
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Randomize
