She is in my trunk
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Randomize
