My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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