So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
