You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
