Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
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