The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
