shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
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