Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
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