is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
I need mimosas to revive my soul
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
