I want to walk on stilts...naked
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Randomize
