My nipple is on Facebook.
I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Randomize
