I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
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