I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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