Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
