the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
