i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
