I CAN MOONWALK!
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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