I can't breathe out the right side of my face
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
