once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Randomize
