he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize
