He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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