Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
