I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
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