Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
