my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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