She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
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