I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Randomize
