if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
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