He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
