Define "chronic" masturbator.
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
