you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Randomize
