The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
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