I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
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