I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
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