i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
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