walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
