Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
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