what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
