oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
