Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
I think I have vodka in my lungs
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Randomize
