Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Randomize
