Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Randomize
