I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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