Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize