from now on my penis is your penis
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Drunk is not a location!
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
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