a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Randomize
