You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Randomize