He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
