it's too hot outside to masturbate.
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
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