I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
Randomize
