well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
I wish life had little blips of pornography
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
