obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
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