Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Randomize
