They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
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