blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
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