i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Randomize
