you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Randomize
