i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
