I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
