wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
